


Small Steps

by straytiny_n_ctzen



Category: NCT (Band), WayV | 威神V
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boggarts, Chenle and Yangyang are the best little brothers, Gryffindor Yangyang, Hufflepuff & Slytherin Inter-House Friendships, Hufflepuff Pride, I was planning on making this very angsty but I just..... coudn't?, I'm Bad At Tagging, Intrusive Thoughts, Kun-centric, Light Angst, Other, Projecting my own problems onto Kun, Qian Kun-centric, Slytherin Ten, Suicidal Thoughts, Ten is a good friend, kun is a sweetheart, slytherin chenle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straytiny_n_ctzen/pseuds/straytiny_n_ctzen
Summary: It's Boggart banishing season for the Fifth Years at Hogwarts. But what do you do when your biggest fear is yourself?





	Small Steps

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains some intrusive/suicidal thoughts. Personally I don't think it's that bad but please be cautious anyway. I don't want to trigger anyone.
> 
> It does have a happy and fluffy ending if that's important for anyone to know :)

Kun had dreaded this day ever since he knew of the existence of Boggarts, and consequently knew that in his fifth year in Hogwarts he would learn how to fend them off. The Hufflepuff had never been good at facing his fears.

“Come on, Kun. It's not that bad. Everyone's afraid of something.” His friend Ten was trying to keep the mood light. “If it's my turn, you bet your ass we'll be seeing fruits.”

Kun huffed out a laugh but dread still sat uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He really, really didn't want to be picked for a demonstration.

But despite his inner turmoil he still greeted everyone with his usual smile on his way to class. Kun had a reputation for being friendly with everyone. It was important to him to be kind no matter what. You never knew who was having a bad day, and if a smile could help, then smile is what Kun would do.

The Hufflepuff hesitated to enter the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. His hands were shaking. He could still run now, but once he was inside there would be no turning back.

“Kun?” The Slytherin looked at him in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little nervous.” He flashed Ten a quick smile and entered the classroom.

The desks were moved against the walls and in the centre of the room stood two big closets. The students formed a wide circle around them and the tension was palpable. Kun wanted to run, but Ten's hand in his held him in place.

Soon enough, class started and their professor called out random students to try and beat their Boggarts. Kun got more and more tense with each name that was called out. He could be next, he could be next, he could be-

“Kun! Come up and try.”

Next.

The boy gulped and looked at Ten with frightened eyes.

“You can do it, Kun,” he whispered and squeezed his hand. “It won't be that bad.”

Yeah, he had easy talking. He was scared of fruit.

“Qian Kun?” the professor called out again.

He stepped forward, but it felt as if his legs could give out underneath him at any moment. His heart raced in his chest. Blood ran through his ears. The closet rattled and wobbled.

He glanced back at Ten, who gave him an encouraging thumbs up.

This must have been the first time the other students saw him without his usual smile.

“Ready, Kun?”

He shook his head but took out his wand anyway.

The closet began to rattle more.

He pointed his wand at the lock. “Alohomora,” he whispered.

It clicked open. Everyone held their breath.

The door swung open. Out came a foot. Another foot. Robes. A yellow and black tie. And then Kun was staring at himself.

Except… Boggart Kun’s eyes were dead. There was no life in them. He looked like he had given up on life.

Kun staggered back a few steps.

“What's there to live for, Kun?”

There's lots to live for, Kun knew rationally. But the thoughts were creeping back in.

“There's nothing. Absolutely nothing. You might as well…”

“Don’t.” Kun trembled. “Don't say it.” His voice cracked. He gripped his wand tighter and slowly pointed it at himself.

 _Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. My friends love me. My family loves me. I can live for them, if I can't live for me._ “Riddikulus!”

A loud noise resonated through the room and the Boggart was suddenly wearing a party hat and a party garland around his neck. His robes had changed into something those popular Muggle singers wore on stage nowadays. No way Kun would wear that on his own initiative.

He heard Ten burst out laughing at the sight and some other students as well. The Hufflepuff only cracked a small smile. He was breathing heavily, but he felt good. He did it.

He did it.

And class was over. The Boggarts were gone and the students left quickly too. Kun pocketed his wand again, grabbed his bag, and went to his next class with the lightest steps.

 

However, Kun should have been prepared. After a high always came a low, and often sooner rather than later.

The students had time to do some reading or work on assignments during their History of Magic class. Kun was trying to work on his mandatory reading but doing so allowed his mind to wander. And a wandering mind, especially after what happened earlier, was a dangerous thing.

If a giant came around it would be so easy for Kun to be crushed under their foot. He could be hit by a spell gone wrong and end up in the hospital. What if he fell out of a window? Land wrongly and he would be dead. Would anyone miss him when he died? It’s not as if anyone loved him. All of his previous friends had proved it. Sooner or later they all left, most without any explanation. Maybe it would be better for everyone if he just disappeared; buried or burned to nothing.

Kun shook his head and put his face in his hands. He shouldn't think like this. Merlin, he was so stupid-

No. He was not stupid for thinking such things. He was battling those thoughts and that took time and effort. He had time. He put in effort. One day he’d be rid of those dark slivers in his head.

Kun sighed and went to the Astronomy Tower when class was finally over. Sure, he had homework, but first he needed to clear his head. And watching the sky always did that for him.

He sat down in front of one of the windows to look out over the afternoon sky. It was a gloomy blue, rain clouds on their way, but so far the sun was still shining weakly.

Kun sighed. If he fell now he would surely die.

Fucking hell. He raked his fingers through his hair and tilted his head back with a thump. It hurt slightly.

So he did it again.

And again.

And again.

And again

The door creaked open. Two heads popped into the room and four eyes looked around until they fell onto Kun.

“Ge? Can we come in?”

The Hufflepuff nodded and made place for the two to sit next to him on the windowsill as they crossed the room.

“We heard from Ten-ge what happened today,” Chenle started. “We're super proud of you for banishing the Boggart like that!”

“But you really made us worried. Are you okay, ge?” Yangyang finished.

Kun opened his mouth, ready to say he was fine, but closed it again. “No,” he admitted instead in a small voice. “No, I am not okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yangyang asked.

“I'd rather not. I’ll- I can talk to a professor about it, but I won't burden you with my problems.”

“Then… can we hug you?” Chenle blinked up at him.

Kun nodded.

He raised his arms just in time before both boys swamped him in a big hug, one from each side. Kun pulled them closer and let himself enjoy this closeness with the two youngers.

The three were not related by blood but that didn't influence their relationship. Kun’s parents were close friends with Chenle's and Yangyang's, and so Kun was there when the two were born and throughout their childhood. The older had immediately taken the two under his wing like a big brother, and it broke his heart when he had to leave for his first year of Hogwarts, having to leave the two behind. But when Yangyang joined Gryffindor last year and Chenle got sorted into Slytherin a couple of months back, Kun felt at ease again.

He kissed the top of their heads. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Blegh, ge!”

“So sappy!”

The two boys pulled away instantly but they were smiling through their whines. Kun ruffled their hair.

“I love you two, you know that right?”

“You start to sound like my mom, Kun-ge,” Chenle grumbled. “But I love you, too.”

“Love you, ge. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” They sat in silence for a moment. “What's the time anyway?”

Chenle checked his watch. “Almost dinner time.”

“Then we should go, hm? I'll race you to the Great Hall.” Kun got up, grabbed his bag, and sprinted away.

Yangyang and Chenle were quick to follow, but not after letting out some indignant shouts at the Hufflepuff.

The Gryffindor ultimately won the race, but Chenle was the one who ended up in Kun's lap during dinner. Not that any of them minded. It was nice like this.

Small steps, but he'd get there.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on my [tumblr](http://straytiny-n-ctzen.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/straytinynctzen) and don't forget to leave kudos and/or comments!


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